Longing

As I come to the end of this long, and somewhat interesting week I am very reflective on its events. Clearly, I have realized that what we do can define who we are, but more importantly it defines our path. I have a quote I always remember that goes "To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with selfish need, and that is sincerity and integrity." I believe in this journey of submission I have learned more about myself than almost any time in my life. It is because my needs are not as paramount or important as those who I choose to give my service to. My will melts in a pool of deep sacrifice and adoration with each text, call, or meeting. Knowing I will not see her for a couple of weaks is like weening an addict of some strong drug. Longing to know what she is thinking or wanting of me is intoxicating. Sometimes it seems as if my soul is being torn from my old, vanilla life into something that is so much more difficult. Abstract at times. I now live in a prison of service. A prison that i gladly would lock the cell door behind me and throw away the key. Her control of my orgasms makes me want to do it more and more. How can anyone do little or nothing from miles away and make me feel like I'm being interrogated in the same room. I mastrubated for 80 minutes today without relief. Praying, wishing, hoping she would call and let me but it did not come. I long for everything that she will give. Longing for this power over me has become so much more than I can put into words. What is going to be the next step. Can I please and withstand her power.